thoughts on: change

sitting here in my childhood bedroom, going through my things, packing up what i want, putting away what i can’t bear to look at.  thinking about old friendships, old crushes, all the finding yourself, the pain, the fun, the reality of growing up.

maybe it’s because my parents are thinking of selling this house.  maybe it’s because i’m realizing all the wonderful days i had and how much i miss the people, places, and things.  maybe it’s because, in a few days, my life will begin again.  i’m not sure exactly why, but the tears are prickling my eyes and i can’t seem to fall asleep, or i don’t want to.  i’m crying because i’m sad, but mostly because my life, my childhood was so wonderful and saying goodbye to it, even though it has been gradual, is painful.

i guess it’s just the sentimentality that comes with reminiscing.  but isn’t it nice to be sad?  to be sad because most of the memories are fond and i miss the days gone by?  things are wonderful now, yes, but sometimes it’s hard to look in the mirror and know you’re growing up, that you are grown up.  sometimes it’s hard to know that in the morning your mom won’t wake you up and tell you to get ready for school.  sometimes it’s hard to know that your life is changing, that your sisters live far away and have their own lives and relationships, that your parents are moving into another phase of their lives and are figuring out what they want to do and where they want to go.

change is hard.  change is always hard, even when it’s fun and exciting and for the best.  life is constantly moving, we are constantly growing and changing.  but it’s ok to be a little sad that your life tomorrow will never be the way it was the day before.


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