practicing growth

Screen shot 2018-08-05 at 2.03.16 PM.pngthe mistakes, the anger, the passion, the shards of our love are all around.

doomed from the start, i ignored the signs, promises of kisses cured feelings, words healed wounds inflicted by your broken soul.

you shoot me when you are down, you try to get me to your level, you spout the words you think are true but are just misguided, anything i say you claim i play the victim.

you disgust me and then come crawling back.  i forgive you in the name of mental anguish, darkness, and pain.  today is enough, you pushed me too far.

i am strong. i am beautiful.  i am destined for the whole world.  and i will not be reduced to the partner of an angry, lost man.

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words are my own, image from the goddess rebellion

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a brief note & insta roundup

my bohemians!  i’m sorry i have been so absent on the blog and instagram.  a brief explanation…i’m back in summer school after only 3 days off, i moved out of my apartment and am living with my sister, brother-in-law, and their dog baby, my long distance lover is back in town, and i can’t find a good set up for taking pictures.  alllllll of that being said, i will be back in action asap and better than ever (let’s hope)!

big love to you all & happy sunday!  and in the mean time, here are some recent instagram snaps if you need a little catch-up. bb insta1.pngbb insta2.pngbb insta3.pngbb insta6.pngbb insta5.pngbb insta4.pngbb insta7.pngbb insta8.pngbb insta9.png. . .

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thoughts on: appreciating the past

i knew i wanted to write something today, but wasn’t feeling inspired by anything.  as luck would have it, the text chain with my mom and sisters provided something for me to muse on.bb thoughts on the pastmy mom was sending us baby pictures to see how my niece compares to us, when she sent us one from my sister’s 8th grade graduation.  she had dyed hair (boy was she in trouble) but otherwise looks adorably adorable.  her reaction?  the expected “yikes.”  my response?  enjoy and appreciate the past.

easier said than done, for sure.  but why?  why is it so hard to appreciate all the mistakes we made, all the cringe-y moments that we hate to think back on?  we all have those.  if you don’t, you aren’t a person.  and i truly mean that.  of course we look back and have second hand embarrassment for how we looked or what we said.  we have regrets, maybe small ones if you’re lucky, but regrets all the same.

without the trials and tribulations of life, we wouldn’t be where we are today.  i very firmly believe that.  and i don’t mean that we have to have had the fight of our lives.  the everyday mistakes that we make change us for the better.  we learn and we grow from everything we do, good and bad.  everything we experience, witness, hear, understand, empathize with, sympathize with.  we are ever-evolving organisms that can adapt to any sort of adversity.  especially the adversity within ourselves.

i guess my point here is not to shun the past.  not to be ashamed of silly outfits, weird hair-dos (i use to wear an insanely big bun smack dab on the top of my head – much to the enjoyment of my less than kind peers), stupid comments, tears shed in public places.  all of these factors result in the magical souls that we are today.  the past is there for a reason, to remind us of where we come from and why we are who we are.  and that, i think, is worth cherishing.

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a sunday story

// on my agenda today //bb sunday story.jpegcoffee for hours in bed, while:

// binging on one of my favorite blogs, waiting for saturday.  they haven’t posted in over a year, but i haven’t browsed in a while, so even the old posts feel new.  still waiting for a return, however.

// watching matilda’s videos, for the 500th time each.

// listening to anna burch’s newish album, quit the curse.  she brings the spring and summer vibe, even when there’s fresh snow on the ground.

// not thinking about all the work and cleaning i need to do today.

and then later…

// doing all the work and cleaning i need to do today.

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daily creativity with traveler’s notebook

as you may or may not know, i used to manage a small stationery and custom invitation store.  stationery and school supplies have always been a huge passion of mine, but i never before realized that there is an entire community that exists and thrives with these passions at the center of it.  when i took that job, it was more for management and marketing experience, but it transformed into a greater appreciation for stationery items and paper goods, and the art, dedication, and flair behind them.  though i no longer work at this store, the world of paper will always be very near and dear to my heart and i greatly enjoy finding new brands and interesting products. 

i recently got it into my head that i would like to purchase a traveler’s notebook.  these notebooks are essentially leather covers that you can completely customize inside.  you can have a number of notebooks, agendas, and/or folders inside at one time, and use the notebook for whatever purpose feels right.  the size of the notebook is unique in that it is relatively skinny and long, but this makes it perfect for writing and keeping organized.  i finally purchased my own a few weeks ago, and decided on the dark brown leather cover.  from my research, this looks the best suited to aging and wear and tear.bb tn1.PNG i did a ton of research on these notebooks before i decided to make the investment.  one of the best things that came out of my research was the discovery of an online (and brick and mortar if you live in california) shop called baum-kuchen, and the owner, wakako.  i have become absolutely entranced with this shop and the accompanying blog.  wakako is such a beautifully creative person that shares her love of the analogue life everyday through her shop, blog, and instagram.  i love following her and getting inspiration for my own creative, analogue journey.  she often reminds me that nothing has to be perfect; life is about creating color and connections, and exhibiting your happiness in whatever way you can.  for me, it is definitely on paper – through words, lists, ideas, and inspirations.  i do that here with my blog, but i also do it in my real life.  i take pictures, save things, buy things that feel special and important to me – and now i have a place to keep all of these artifacts in my traveler’s notebook.

i have especially enjoyed learning more about japanese culture through my research into traveler’s notebooks.  paper products are very important and treasured there, and there are a plethora of companies coming out of japan that have caught my eye, including traveler’s company (formerly midori) and the superior labor.bb tn2.PNG i absolutely adored using my traveler’s notebook for the first time on my trip to california.  i always collect so many artifacts while traveling – receipts, business cards, stickers, postcards, etc. – and now i have a place to store and expand on these little items.  i also kept daily logs of what i did and where i went, the best parts of the day, silly quotes and reminders of things that were discussed and experienced, etc… i cannot wait for more adventures with my traveler’s notebook, and to expand on what exactly my style will be.

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january 2, 2018

sometimes only coming home has the power to heal all our wounds.

when i left my apartment on december 14, 2017, my heart was raw and my eyes swollen from the previous night’s tears.  ending relationships is always hard, but ending one that you weren’t even able to fully begin is harder.

through three weeks with my two sisters, two parents, two brothers-in-law, and one baby niece, my empty heart has healed.  not completely, but enough.  i have laughed until i cried, danced around the kitchen, and escaped to my air mattress for naps and brief moments of peace.  i have come back to life.  i have moved from feeling my emotions so palpably to pushing them to the back of my mind for later contemplation.  they are still there, but more silenced than i was capable of achieving on my own.

coming home for the holidays is never easy once you’ve grown up and moved away, but there are so many reasons to return: being near the people that continue to raise and teach you, silly but timeless traditions, and spending time in your jammies sitting on the living room floor.

i hope your holidays provided you with peace, comfort, and wisdom, in whatever way you needed.

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resolutions for my 25th year

my birthday, fortunately and unfortunately, is in the first week of the new year.  while i always come up with new year’s resolutions – and pretty immediately disregard them – this year i’m making resolutions for my new year.  life is pretty hectic and full of change these days, so with these resolutions i’m really looking to ground myself, stick to my routines, and work hard to keep working hard.bb resolutions.JPG// be kind and gentle to myself // truth be told i am absolutely horrible at this, as most of us are.  i think i’ve mentioned this before, but there’s a line that lena dunham mentions at the end of the first season of girls, along the lines of “you could never hate me more than i hate myself, or say worse things than i say to myself.”  and i feel this.  too much.  as humans we are our own harshest critics, but if i can’t treat myself kindly and with gentleness and love, how can i expect others to?  this is a concept that i’ve been working on for years after my sweet therapist flat out told me to do so in those exact words.  i will keep trying, because i deserve it.

// weekend workouts // i’m sorry to mention a workout resolution, but it’s needed!  starting january 8th, i am student teaching full time, 5 days a week.  so with the 8+ hour school day and my 2+ hour commute, i know there is no way i will be working out through the week.  so weekends are my goal.  and that’s just two days – even i can manage that!  i’m desperate to get back into my yoga practice and even running.  i go in and out with my workout habits but i am actually looking forward to taking care of myself in this way again.  are you sensing a theme here?

// become a more experimental cook // or a cook at all!  i’m so bad with meal planning and prep, but i really really want to get better at it.  i’m going to try to be more forward-thinking when i go to the grocery store and have some go-to meals that i can make without too much effort.  actually, i make a great work lunch, but it’s the dinners that i struggle with.  it’s a serious problem when cereal is your favorite food!

// produce less waste // this is a really important one for me.  i’m good about carrying a water bottle and coffee thermos (this is the best one i’ve found) with me all the time, but i have other goals for my waste production.  some of them include: stop using cotton pads in my skincare routine (i’ve been using my hands for my witch hazel but still use cotton for makeup removal), using rags for cleaning instead of paper towels, using more reusable containers for work lunches (i’m looking at purchasing some lunchbots stainless containers), and making use of the bulk section at my grocery store and health food store.  i think these are super easy changes and i am looking forward to making them – now that’s the mark of a good resolution!

// be ok when i slip up // i say this in regards to these resolutions and so many other areas of my life.  like i said earlier, i can be so hard on myself, and as i am entering student teaching i already fear the daily mistakes i am going to make.  i am going to try my darnedest to accept my failures and respond to them accordingly, without getting upset or looking down on myself.  this is probably the hardest resolution i am going to work on, but it’s an important one.

do you have any resolutions for your new year?  happy happy and fresh starts to all!

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loving craving wishing waiting

oooh i haven’t done of these in a long time.  here are some previous iterations: january, june, august, and april.bb insta1.pngbb insta3.pngloving . . .

my skincare and makeup routines are soooo down pat

the critical babe

broad city season 4

black jeans

cold weather, FINALLY!bb insta2.pngbb insta4.pngcraving . . .

hot apple cider

soup, all day every day (definitely achieving this one)

a really good shower (like fancy hotel good)

an intense yoga sessionbb insta5.pngbb insta6.pngwishing . . .

there were more hours in the day

i had more time to spend on my blog

my apartment wasn’t messy

my fridge wasn’t emptybb insta7.pngbb insta8.pngwaiting . . .

for it to be christmas-preparation-appropriate

for the sephora vib salebb insta9.pngcontent is my own, images from my instagram

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a note to my neighbor

i don’t like you.

i don’t like that i have to listen to you have sex at bizarre hours (6 am?!).  i don’t like that i have to listen to your music thumping.  i don’t like that i have to walk by your gross trash and the stains outside your door.  i don’t like that whatever you cook makes my bathroom smell.

i don’t like that i have to listen to you at all moments of the day and night.  i don’t like that you started banging on the wall when i tried to hammer a nail for 1 minute at 8:45 pm.  1 minute at a reasonable hour on a wall that we don’t share.  how do you have the nerve?

i don’t like that you are inconsiderate.  i don’t like that i am patient and never make my annoyance known.  i don’t like that you have no patience of your own.  i don’t like that you live next to me.  i hope you move far, far away.

i don’t like you.

– well that was a good venting session.  have a great weekend, bohemians!

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glossier: a realistic review

i think it’s safe to say i’m a glossier og.  i purchased the phase 1 set only a few months after their launch, mostly after watching emily weiss’ video with leandra medine.  i’ve loved the brand since then and some of their products i just don’t think i could do my makeup or skincare routines without.  however with the introduction of “glossier reps” and the insane marketing all over instagram, which truthfully has more to do with said reps than the brand itself, i feel far less enamored with glossier than i used to be.  it is my honest opinion that the brand is insanely hyped up and not all of the products live up to that hype.  the reps that i see all over instagram can be extremely obnoxious, especially when you have the knowledge of the rewards they get for selling a certain amount of product, including trips to new york.  just feels like we are being used, you know?  it is important to remember that glossier is also incredibly expensive when you consider the amount of product you actually get, especially in their sunscreen and powder, so that is a huge turn off to me as well.glossier review1.jpgbut anyways, because of all these reasons, i think i am a fairly good person to give you a brand review.  like i said, some glossier products i really do adore, and some have missed the mark.  i relate very strongly to the “skincare first, makeup second” and overall undone aesthetic, but strongly dislike the marketing ploys.

please note, i am in no way trying to rag on glossier as i really do love the brand and the majority of their products, but as always i want to be completely honestly with you.  if we can’t discuss our likes and dislikes on our own blogs, what can we discuss?!

the original phase 1 //

perfecting skin tint // my all time favorite glossier product.  i couldn’t have created a better base product in my wildest dreams.  it’s glowy, lightweight perfection.  it evens out the skin the littlest bit and makes it look slightly more perfected, but not like you are wearing anything.  i typically wear this on it’s own but love to mix it with other tinted moisturizers that have a little more coverage or don’t have as much hydration.  i wear medium in the summer and light with a few drops of medium in the winter.

priming moisturizer // another staple in my makeup bag.  this is pretty exclusively my summertime moisturizer as it’s the perfect weight while not skipping out on hydration.  in the winter i layer this over my skincare and daily moisturizer, usually putting it on right before doing my makeup if i did my skincare earlier in the day.  it’s extremely lightweight and runny, but moisturizes and hydrates beautifully.  adds that coveted glossier glow.

rosewater spray // i feel like this is the one glossier product that never gets mentioned anywhere.  this is a pretty basic rosewater but sadly burned my eyes.  if i was extra careful and left my eyes closed for enough time after spraying i was fine, so i finished the bottle, but not a repurchase in my opinion.

balm dotcom // i only had the original balm dotcom this one time, but it’s a pretty basic vaseline-type skin salve.  nothing remarkable but somehow a necessity at the same time.  i’ll mention the flavors a bit later.  great size for throwing in your purse or backpack.glossier review2.jpgphase 2 //

boy brow // my shade is brown.  it took me a really long time to admit to liking this product.  and it only works for me if i wipe most of it off on a paper towel first.  this is really a pomade type product, so it is thick and heavy.  if i don’t take most of the product off, i hate how clumpy and thick feeling it is on my eyebrows.  however, when lightly applied, it offers a great amount of tint and volume, as well as hold, to the brows.

stretch concealer // i originally bought this in shade medium but found it to be incredibly orange on me, even if the shade was correct for my summer skin.  i gave that shade to my sister and i just bought light, so now that i am more pale this works better.  i would much rather use the rms concealer to the glossier, but those shades are far too yellow for me and this has the right amount of pink.  i don’t really conceal under my eyes, but i like this because it offers a little brightness without really hiding any darkness (i think that looks cool, ok?!).  also nice around the face on any redness but definitely won’t conceal blemishes.  i think this is a must have product for people that use concealers like this more than i do, but i am getting a lot of use out of it and i do like.

generation g // the second generation (he he) of these is far better than the first.  the first ones were not as pigmented and a lot more drying.  of the new generation i have zip, a beautiful poppy red, and cake, a peachy nude.  i truly love both of these shades and wear them quite frequently.  perfect for someone who loves a more blotted effect on the lips without the faff.  i have had other shades in the past, but these are my favorite.  i did a little comparison of the gen g’s with the colourpop blotted lips here.  i didn’t own these two particular shades when i did that review, so they have slightly changed my opinion.  i prefer the colourpop iteration but wish they had more wearable shades.  glossier review4.jpgothers //

haloscope // my sister got me the shade quartz for my birthday.  this is very comparable to my favorite rms living luminizer but with more oomph.  i love the glossiness that this gives and the shade is perfect on my fair skin.  i don’t apply it directly to my face as it does tug from the applicator, so i usually get a more subtle look.  i’m not sure if i will repurchase this as the living luminizer is mostly what i reach for, but i really do like having it and am happy to have tried it out.

priming moisturizer rich // another birthday present from my sissy!  isn’t she the best?  honestly i liked this more as a hand cream than a face cream.  the lavender scent was extremely overpowering and it felt very silicone-y on my skin.  even as a dry skinned person i find the regular priming moisturizer to be a far superior product.

milky jelly cleanser // this is a great product and one that i went through about 3 containers of.  however, even as a minimal makeup wearer, this is not an effective makeup remover.  that isn’t the biggest deal as i usually remove my makeup with a micellar water before washing my face anyways, but i do think it should be mentioned.  i have been drawn to more true cream cleanser lately, but i do think i will repurchase this again in the future.  it’s a pretty basic cleanser that doesn’t dry out the skin, so that’s a pretty big plus in my book.

moisturizing moon mask // this is another one of my “holy grail” glossier products.  it is so soothing on the skin and always feels cooling.  it is a pain to get off, but so worth it.  i apply this after any other mask that i use, as i always want to follow up with something hydrating after using something more drying or detoxifying.  also makes a fab hand mask.  glossier really nailed it here.

galaxy greens mask // this is a clay mask that i really do enjoy.  it’s not the best detoxifying mask i’ve ever used, but it’s a solid product.  this can be pretty intense so be careful and patch test first.  i use this only where i need it and never for the entire length of time recommended.  i’ve had my tub forever but probably won’t repurchase when i finally get through it.

flavored balm dotcoms // coconut is my everything!  originally the scent was quite nauseating but now i can’t get enough.  i like to put it on my lips, eyelids, and nostrils pretty much every night.  i also have the mint which is super refreshing and not fake smelling at all.  this is nice under the nose as well because you get the fresh scent and the tingle of the menthol.  great for when you have a cold!

the supers // i bought all 3 super serums when they first launched and they were definitely my introduction into serums and skincare layering.  i quickly realized, however, that they really weren’t doing much of anything.  the only one that i continue to use and have repurchased is super pure.  i apply that mostly to my chin where i have some hormonal breakouts and it really does help the redness and length of the activeness.  i saw absolutely no changes or benefits from neither super bounce nor super glow.  one thing to note: a product like super glow should be in a dark bottle with some sort of airtight pump because of the activeness of the ingredients, so the ingredients lose their potency far faster than you could ever use this all up.  if you are interested in purchasing one of the serums, i recommend the pure.glossier review3.jpgwhat are you glossier favorites?

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