the mean reds, again

sometimes blue just doesn’t cut it. ¬†perhaps one of my favorite parts of breakfast at tiffany’s, both the book and the movie, is holly’s spot-on description of the mean reds. ¬†not quite the blues, not quite anxiety, but something more…

the mean reds are described two ways. ¬†in the movie: “the blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. ¬†the mean reds are horrible. ¬†suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of.”

in the book: “but, doc, i’m not fourteen anymore, and i’m not lulamae. ¬†but the terrible part is…i am. ¬†i’m still stealing turkey eggs and running through a briar patch. ¬†only now i call it having the mean reds.”bb mean reds.jpgi love truman capote so much perhaps because of this idea. ¬†this wholly accurate feeling that i could never before put words to. ¬†he encapsulates this feeling not just in the idea of the mean reds, but in holly herself. ¬†the feeling of spinning out of control, of feeling so far away from who you are but not really being that far at all. ¬†of searching and ignoring and looking for someone, anything to take the pain away.

of course i could tell you the clinical reasons for why i feel so scared and alone sometimes, but it’s more than that. ¬†it’s more than the descriptions on the doctor’s note…it’s the real cutting emotion that goes on inside my head, my heart, my soul. ¬†it’s that feeling of needing to cry for no apparent reason, of feeling so alone even in a room full of people you love. ¬†the sadness that only a long nap and a cup of tea can seem to help, but never cure.

i guess what i’m saying is that i accept this sadness that creeps up on me from time to time. ¬†i know how to handle it, make myself cozy and comforted, take it easy, and then wake up the next day feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ¬†but sometimes it’s hard to see the end, the light, the next day. ¬†it’s hard to feel so sad and scared. ¬†and when that happens, like it did today, i think about holly and truman and moon river. ¬†i light a candle, put on frank sinatra, and let myself cry.

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the mean reds, again

the summer bag edit

it seems like i do “what’s in my bag” posts quite often these days, but they are so fun! ¬†i will never apologize!
bb summer bag edit1.jpgthis canvas and leather bucket bag from teranishi studio is extremely special to me, and one of the most “me” purchases i feel like i’ve made in a long time. ¬†when i saw christine of chrissstttiiine show it in a video and on instagram, i knew it was the bag of my dreams. ¬†it was out of stock for quite a while but i was able to snap it up when it made a brief reappearance last fall. ¬†it’s the perfect every day summer bag – though it does have only a hand/arm strap and not a shoulder strap, i don’t mind it as much as i thought i might. ¬†it carries a ton without feeling too heavy or putting strain on the bag. ¬†i look forward to using this bag for years to come – i know it will only get better with age.bb summer bag edit2.jpgon to the stuff:

baggu small pouch wallet

ray-ban wayfarers

sephora compact mirror

nars mini creamy concealer in vanilla

bite beauty lip gloss in rambutan

kosas lipstick in stardust

burt’s bees grapefruit lip balm

herbacin kamille hand lotion

le pen

the dollhouse by fiona davis

hair things

postcardsbb summer bag edit3.jpgso there you go!  a very typical spread for summertime.  and this is really what i had in there Рyou can see in that first picture that i just dumped my bag out hehe.

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the summer bag edit

june picks

bb june picks1.jpgproducts //

auric blends desert night perfume oil after visiting the farmer’s market one saturday i was in my local co-op browsing the essential oil section. ¬†i picked up this perfume oil and took a sniff when an older man asked me what i was checking out. ¬†i shared this beautiful scent with him and we got to talking. ¬†he told me about his work as an aromatherapist as well as some stories from his life, and i told him a little bit about me. ¬†it was a beautiful exchange, he gave me some wisdom that i will cherish forever, and i hope i made his day a little brighter as well. ¬†after he left me i knew i had to get this beautiful perfume oil, to remind me of him, of meeting new friends, and of sharing love and light with as many people as we can on this earth.

monk oil #2 recently renamed “dawn.” ¬†i mentioned this beautiful body oil here, but i had to mention it again. ¬†i have been mixing a little in with my body moisturizer – i’m currently using the alba organica ultra emollient and it’s a new staple for me for sure – soaks in quickly and makes my body softer than ever. ¬†i get the benefits of both products in one and the added benefit of not using this oil up to quickly as it is quite pricey. ¬†the scent is calming and brings me back to center.

primal pit paste i used up my meow meow tweet baking soda-free deodorant and picked this up at the grocery store to replace it. ¬†i think i like this better, probably because of the baking soda which thankfully doesn’t seem to irritate my skin. ¬†nice deodorant, probably not groundbreaking but i like it a lot. ¬†it is easier to rub in than the mmt and doesn’t ball up as some deodorants seem to. ¬†i am still layering it with the ursa major one for extra sweaty days (which are plentiful here in indiana).

mac patentpolish lip pencil in revved up i will admit that i got suckered into buying this, but i am so glad that i did! ¬†i’ve been liking how peaches look on me – usually i’m a light pink lip girl – and the formula is very similar to the clinique intense chubby sticks. ¬†it has the right amount of gloss and sheer color to look simple and not overdone, but it makes me feel a little more put together than usual.

first aid beauty ultra repair intensive lip balm my love affair with fab continues! ¬†i picked this up because i read it is similar to the nuxe reve de miel, a previous favorite that doesn’t have the ingredient list i like to see, and they are pretty much identical. ¬†this has that same somewhat gritty texture that exfoliates and moisturizes the lips at the same time. ¬†it is slightly more solid than the nuxe, but the results are spot on. ¬†it lasts all night and i can still feel it in the morning, which tells me it is really doing it’s job. ¬†if you are looking for a heavy-duty lip product, i recommend checking this out.

garnier micellar water and thayer’s alcohol-free rose witch hazel i have a post coming all about these so i won’t go in depth, but they have been hardcore favorites all month long.

ray ban wayfarers i have had these sunglasses for probably 7 years, wearing them on and off.  this summer they have been the only sunglasses i have liked to wear.  they are sturdy and perfectly molded to my face Рhighly recommend getting your sunglasses adjusted if you can, it makes all the difference.  i can throw them in my bag or in my car without worrying too much.  plus they have small bite marks from when my dog was a puppy so that makes me happy as well.bb june picks3.jpgentertainment //

the office Рi have never enjoyed the office.  it makes me sad, to be honest.  but after watching a few episodes with a friend, i got completely sucked in.  i finally see the humor behind it and that it is very sweet, not sad (for the most part).  and obviously i am in full support of jim and pam, just to clear that up.

a new book – i haven’t been reading as much lately as i was the first half of the year, but i just started reading a new book that i can’t not mention. ¬†i got jd salinger: the last interview while in new york and only just had the time to start reading, but i already love it. ¬†salinger is such an enigmatic but iconic figure in american literature and it is so interesting to finally learn about him, but it also makes me feel sad that he was essentially chased and stalked most of his life.

blogs – the opal gray¬†is yet another beauty blog, but there’s something about it that’s extra special. ¬†i believe i found the author on instagram and started reading her blog from there, but honestly i can’t quite remember. ¬†her photography is gorgeous and i really appreciate her product reviews. ¬†now if she would only post more often! ¬†another blog i have added to my daily reading list is free & native. ¬†this one is a different from my usual beauty and fashion blogs, but one that i am needing right now. ¬†free & native is the blog of herbalist and manifestation advisor lacy phillips, and she shares her techniques for more wholesome, free, and intentional living, as well as the people, places, and things inspiring her.

highlights of the month //

moving into my own apartment

starting classes

meeting new people and making new friends

collaboration post with kim and makeupbb june picks2.jpg

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june picks

some new & old favorites

new month, new apartment, new chapter in life…and some current favorite products, of course. ¬†it’s funny how moving and “starting over” makes you reconsider all the things you own and love. ¬†it sounds strange but i feel that my products, my routines, my things keep me grounded during craziness. ¬†i place great importance in feeling safe in my environment, and my belongings certainly aid me in that.bb old and new1.jpgbb old and new2.jpgold favorites

glossier priming moisturizer // i have been using this for¬†years now – but pretty on and off. ¬†i used it pretty religiously during the first part of this winter, and then put it down for whatever reason. ¬†today i got the urge to bring it back out. ¬†it’s a lovely summer moisturizer/extra moisture layer as it’s quite thing and light and sinks it almost immediately. ¬†i can’t speak to it’s makeup extending abilities, but i love it when i need an extra hit of glow.

rms eye polish myth // quite honestly this is my favorite eye shadow ever.  living in a cold climate, i love when summer comes around and all my cream products soften that perfect amount and pigmentation becomes even better.  in the winter this shadow is more sheer, but in the summer it has full-on taupey goodness.

hylamide hyaluronic acid // i finished my previse nutrify¬†hyaluronic acid serum and immediately repurchased the hylamide ha. ¬†for whatever reason this performs so much better on my skin and i really reap the benefits of the ingredients. ¬†the previse was nice but too expensive for what it is. ¬†i wish this product didn’t have phenoxyethanol, but it still rates a 1 on ewg and i love the results. ¬†the cvs i went to had this little baby one on sale for $3 so you KNOW i bought it as well!

new favorites //

cocokind collective macabeet tinted moisture stick // i got this a few weeks ago when shopping at the new chicago free people store with my dear friend. ¬†we both grabbed this and i can’t not share it with all of you! ¬†for $9, you get a 100% natural sheer berry glow for lips and cheeks. ¬†it’s healthy skin in a tube, quite honestly!

monk oil #2 // i have been wanting to try monk oil for months now and decided to finally bite the bullet a few weeks ago. ¬†i only just started using it after i moved, but i know it will be a staple that i always have around. ¬†i got the small bottle of the #2 oil which contains more rose from what i can tell. ¬†it’s an earthy but somewhat floral – but not floral like old lady, more like fresh flowers – oil that can be used all over the body and/or for aromatherapy purposes. ¬†i love the smell but it is definitely¬†hippie – my mom hated it haha! ¬†i highly recommend this and i look forward to trying the original oil¬†as well. ¬†short version: monk oil is a “city skin potion” that helps ground you and protect you from the craziness of city life.

first aid beauty cleanser // when picking up a backup of my fab ultra repair cream, i decided to try the cleanser as well. ¬†though i usually oil cleanse, i like to have a regular cleanser on hand as well to use as a double cleanse or when i don’t feel like using oil. ¬†i’m almost done with another bottle of glossier milky jelly, so this was my replacement. ¬†it feels closer to a lotion than a cleanser, but it cleanses beautiful and removes all traces of makeup. ¬†my skin feels hydrated and healthy after – and in the summer i love to pare back my routine and get back to basics.

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some new & old favorites

i finally got the perfume of my dreams

bb santal1santal 33…oh how i love you. ¬†now i previously thought that byredo gypsy water¬†was the scent of my dreams, but i’m not sure. ¬†lately it’s been seeming a little heavy for every day, but that could be because i’m spending every day at home!

santal 33 is light and fresh, with that delicious sandalwood touch that i cannot get enough of. ¬†i have used up a few samples of this and just couldn’t seem to bite the bullet for the $150 bottle, until i saw that the le labo site sells a 15 ml bottle for $78. ¬†now it’s still so expensive for the amount you get, but for the snail’s pace at which i go through perfumes, i think this little baby is going to be perfect. ¬†i’m so excited to actually have a bottle of this in my life!bb santal3bb santal5one of my favorite perfume oils – maison louis marie no. 4 bois de balincourt – smells pretty much identical to santal 33, so i highly recommend that one. ¬†there wasn’t really a point in me buying the le labo besides just wanting it! ¬†i also love having spray perfumes to layer with my oils or if i want to make a slightly larger scent impact. ¬†my perfumes are always very understated “skin scents” so sometimes it’s nice to have a little more intensity.

all in all, i’m so happy i splurged on this little baby. ¬†it’s absolutely a gateway drug to the larger bottle, but i don’t see anything wrong with that! ¬†what’s your favorite splurgy perfume?bb santal4bb santal2

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i finally got the perfume of my dreams

dealing with acne flare-ups

bb acne treatments1.jpg
if you, like me, have had acne in the past, you probably get the occasional flare-up – be it from stress, junk food, climate, travel, etc. ¬†i’ve been pretty much¬†acne free since june, but have had a couple sizeable acne-style breakouts since then. ¬†including last week! ¬†i recently tried this amazing sheet mask (more on that later) and it really got me thinking about how i deal with these breakouts. ¬†and i’m not talking about the rare pimple from your period or whatever. ¬†i’m talking those omg-do-i-have-acne-again situations. ¬†soooo long story short, here are my tips for handling those acne flare-ups, both physically and emotionally!

DON’T go in with the big guns // i think the first impulse whenever pimples appear is to go in with the strongest acne eliminating products available. ¬†but generally, this is not the best way to approach the situation at hand! ¬†i find that continuing with my normal routine with some additional, gentle treatments is key. ¬†for one thing, all of those drying, irritating, alcohol-y ingredients will completely dry out your acne areas and make them last for far longer, even though they might be smaller sooner. ¬†does that make sense?

if you are using any sort of topical acne creams (i use aczone – i’m sort of in love with their new packaging, is that weird?!), don’t feel persuaded to add more than your usual amount of product onto your skin. ¬†once you have gotten over the initial brutalities of these creams, they work with your skin, not against it. ¬†but by added an extra dollop all over, you’ll return to all the dryness and irritation you have put behind you.

DO use a good spot treatment for the first couple days // i’ve tried a good few of the spot treatments on the market – acnomel¬†(old school product my parents’ have used forever haha!), mario badescu drying lotion, and acne free terminator-10, and tea tree oil to name a few – but the one i’m loving at the moment is the indie lee blemish lotion. ¬†it looks and feels much like the mario badescu drying lotion, but with better, and less!, ingredients. ¬†it’s also far more gentle and easier to remove. ¬†i only use a spot treatment for the first few days, which is the optimum time to dry out the blemishes but not overdry them. ¬†if you use a spot treatment every single night you have a pimple, you are just going to dry out and irritate your poor little face. ¬†so don’t do that!!bb acne treatments3.jpgDO¬†use a mask every few days // i love masks! ¬†while i don’t always see results with masks, i love the process and the pamper time. ¬†for acne (and redness and inflammation) i usually use one of the following: origins clear improvement charcoal mask, glossier mega greens galaxy pack, or freeman feeling beautiful mint & lemon clay mask. ¬†i only use these masks on the areas that need them, followed by a thick layer of glossier moisturizing moon mask all over. ¬†i also don’t leave detoxifying masks on for their entire prescribed time, usually 10 minutes max, because of my dry skin. ¬†be sure to use a moisturizing mask or thicker moisturizer after your detoxifying masks, because even if you are oily your skin is probably dehydrated. ¬†moisture is key!

a very exciting mention is the leader’s brightening recovery mask. ¬†i don’t really like sheet masks, but i saw this at ulta last week¬†and thought it sounded like exactly what my skin needed. ¬†it toned down almost all the redness i had and helped to heal and relax my last couple active blemishes. ¬†my skin was in a completely different state the following morning. ¬†seriously impressed! ¬†one thing i do love about sheet masks is all the extra essence/serum they include, so i made sure to let that really soak¬†into my face, neck, and chest before continuing with my nightly routine (even if it feels sticky at first, give it time).bb acne treatments2.jpg
DO use makeup to your advantage // you guys know i’m not much of a face makeup girl. ¬†i never wear foundation if i can help it, and if i do wear something it’s a skin tint, tinted moisturizer, or light powder foundation at most. ¬†that being said, i am always compelled to pile on the high coverage bases when i’m acned-up. ¬†i try my best to avoid this, however, and just be strategic about how i’m doing my makeup. ¬†i usually keep some kind of medium coverage foundation on hand for these instances, and right now i have the l’oreal pro-glow foundation. ¬†it’s actually quite nice and glowy, but still medium coverage and buildable, so i get all the results i want.

i apply foundation only on the areas i really need it – you’ll need a good color match! – with one finger. ¬†yes that’s right. ¬†one finger. ¬†i find that by patting the foundation into the skin with my middle finger i really push the product in and make it look extremely natural. ¬†plus, you are concentrating the coverage where you need it only. ¬†it’s a little time consuming, but i highly recommend this method. ¬†do the rest of your face as you normally would, and use¬†lots of facial spray. ¬†i guarantee your acne will be undetectable (except to you of course, because it’s on your face!).

DO pamper yourself // acne sucks.  and when it comes back to haunt you, that sucks even more.  so take your time with your skincare, drink lots of water, and get some sleep.  your flare-up will be over in a few days and now you have a few more tricks in your arsenal for the next time those assholes decide to pop up uninvited.bb acne treatments4.jpg

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dealing with acne flare-ups

current lovelies

bb current lovelies 1.jpgbb current lovelies 2.jpgmy thich nhat hanh books // i am just a bundle of anxiety these days, resulting from months of living at home with my parents (love them and they are my best friends but oooooooh myyyyyyy), going back to school soon (my stomach just did a somersault), and¬†moving into my own apartment! ¬†don’t get me wrong, everything is good, but little old me is definitely prone to anxiety. ¬†my thich nhat hanh books, the miracle of mindfulness and making space, are helping me focus and come back down to earth. ¬†actually reading in general is helping me accomplish this, i can’t stop at the moment! ¬†my dad and i were having a really nice conversation yesterday morning about being clean and living in a positive environment and i brought up a buddhist concept and he looked at me and was like oh heavens.¬† oh dear dad, i’m sorry your wife and children are all bohemian-inclined!!

loose jeans // be it spring time or laziness, but skinny jeans are just not my steez these days. ¬†i’m living in my comfy denim and i cannot say i’m sorry about it. ¬†my favorites are my 501s (fitted through hips and booty, then straight down) and citizens of humanity¬†liya distressed jeans¬†(boyfriend fit, not sure what exact color i have¬†as i got them randomly on sale), and loft straight crops.¬†plus paired with a fitted long sleeve tee, i feel pretty sexy if i do say so myself.

chain bracelets // i haven’t been much of a jewelry wearer lately, but the other day i threw on some of my dainty chain bracelets and they have been living on my wrist every since. ¬†the arrow one is from madewell a while ago and the little horseshoe i got at a street market in new york.

newish blog reads // anyone else always on the hunt for interesting blogs? ¬†yeah, me too! ¬†some new-to-me favorites i’ve added to my bookmarks include troves and roses and thirteen thoughts. ¬†i’m also back in love with some old favorites, including the anna edit and beauty by kelsey. ¬†i don’t only read beauty blogs, but i’m pretty loyal to my fashion and lifestyle favorites – i don’t stray as often.

spring! // now i am not going to complain because chicago’s winter this year was easy as pie. ¬†i never consider myself much of spring person, i’m usually like let’s just get on to summer please, but with the occassional 60-70 degree days we’ve been getting, baby animals floating about, and trees full of buds and blooms, i am happy as a clam. ¬†of course it’s raining and 40 while i’m writing this, but i’m living for those quick days of bliss that have been popping up more and more frequently. ¬†actually, after surviving that winter from hell that we had in boston a few years ago, springtime is especially sacred to me. ¬†before that winter i never cared about flowers, but now i can’t get enough. ¬†after experiencing that much misery, i am all about the rebirth we get in the spring. ¬†also, happy belated Easter to those that celebrated!

harry styles for rolling stone // ok i don’t know what it is about harry styles but i am seriously in love with him. ¬†oh dear, please don’t leave my blog yet! ¬†i am not one to have celebrity crushes or really keep up with new music, but ever since i went to that one direction concert for my summer internship years ago (yeah i know, how cool is that?!) i have been seriously in love with that kid. ¬†his recent interview with rolling stone was, in a word, refreshing. ¬†i can honestly say that he has a beautiful mind and i was very impressed reading that article and listening to his new music. ¬†i urge you to read, but if you fall in love, i’ve got dibs.

tell me, what’s been keeping you sane lately?

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current lovelies