child

i am a child of the moon.  i come alive when everyone else goes to sleep.  it’s when i think, when i understand, when i grow.  i dream, but i’m still awake.  i envision what my world could be, i make plans, i make commitments to myself.  a late night, cozy in bed or going for a drive, i come alive.

i am a child of the sun.  hot coffee on an early morning stirs my soul.  morning light shines, making everything it touches glow brighter and stronger.  the dreams of the night before become realities, or not.  the day begins as a clean slate, endless possibilities stretch before me and all i have to do is pick one.

i am a child of the morning and the night.  i treasure the extremes.  at night, i long for the early morning light.  in the early morning light, i long for the silence of a sleeping house.  i am alone with my mind, i am buzzing along with my thoughts, i am dreaming with my eyes wide open.

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this is what i w a n t

image// i want to love and be loved

// i want to strengthen my body and my mind

// i want to grow by seeing, doing, and experiencing

// i want to step away from the material, and focus on the fleeting

// i want to be as i wish to seem, as socrates urged

this year, i want to stop and be.  i want to feel more sun, more saltwater, more sand.  i want to appreciate the passing time and cherish the fleeting moments.  i want to be surrounded by my people, i want to be surrounded by myself.  i want to work hard and play hard.  i want to stop wasting time.  i want to love, i want to live, i want to appreciate, i want to experience.  life isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean we have to settle for less.

> image via mermaid by hand

thoughts on: reflection

sitting on the den floor, drinking gatorade, and keeping track of three dogs appears to be my new year’s eve plan.  yep, i’m sick.  i tearfully and reluctantly watched my family leave me a little bit earlier – truth be told i thought they were being mean to me, hence the tears.  except for that trusted oldest sister, who’s always on my side (also the only one who reads my blog!).  but i quickly settled in for a sex and the city marathon and the aforementioned gatorade and now here we are.

if i’m honest, i’m not huge into new year’s – it never ends up being very fun or different than any other night – but i do find it’s kind of impossible not to reflect on the previous year as it comes to a close.  so really, what happened to me this year?

// i continued working on handling my anxiety, and i think i’ve made great strides

// i went through all of my belongings and got rid of most of the crap i was holding on to and that was holding me back (part of the above process)

// i graduated college

// i spent the summer with my favorite people in my favorite place, working hard, making new friends and getting closer to old ones, and truly having the time of my life

// i got a big girl job!

// i strove to worry less and enjoy myself more

// i feel like i became one year closer to “finding myself” and i know myself a little bit better than i did last year

// i kept working on this blog and have become really proud of it.  it’s a really relaxing and enjoyable project for me and i’m so happy that you all seem to enjoy the fruits of my labor

well, that’s pretty much it.  of course, there have been some downers this year as well as all these pretty cool accomplishments, but that’s life and i will gladly take the lows if i can get some highs along with them.  i hope you all have a fun, safe, and not-so-typical new year’s eve and are feeling better than i am!  catch ya in the new year.

looking forward

IMG_3326to a date in the city with my dad // breakfast and christmas shopping tomorrow

to finish working on my christmas presents // i’m handcrafting my sisters’ presents and will show you what i made after christmas!

to togetherness // my sisters and brothers will be home for the holidays

to learning more about calligraphy // i had my first class on wednesday and i really felt my creative juices flowing

to some travels in the coming months // i’m itching to head out to california, new york, and florida and maybe some other places if i can swing it

to making my way through a stack of books // my self imposed reading list plus more

to creating and setting my intentions for the new year // working and focusing on myself, my mind, my body, and my spirit

to getting back to work, friends, and the place where i feel most myself // 

+my image, please credit if taking.

thoughts on: heading back

IMG_3940all good things come to an end…at least for a little while.  so i’m heading home to the midwest, until the spring.  it’s not that i’m not excited but…ok i guess i’m not that excited.  i love my hometown and i can’t wait to have christmas there with my family.  but after that?  what’s left for me?

times change, people move on, both literally and figuratively.  and returning to the place of so many memories is always bittersweet.  sometimes i feel like i’m suffocating.  like i know what i want my life to look like, and it’s extremely close, but just out of reach.  maybe that’s what happens when you live at home but are ready to move forward…maybe that’s what happens when you grow up.

but i’m going to make the most of this three month work hiatus.  i have goals.  i’m going to finally do my calligraphy work.  i’m going to get in shape.  i’m going to save money.  i’m going to see friends and enjoy myself and visit a few places.  i’m going to be with my family.  i’m going to do whatever i can to help my mom and dad.  i’m going to cuddle with my sisters.  i’m going to drink hot coffee on early mornings snuggled up on the couch.  i’m going to take pictures.  i’m going to go to the mall and see movies and go for walks and do all those things that you do in middle america and that make middle america so great.  so yeah, i guess it’s going to be pretty okay.

+my image, please credit if taking.

thoughts on: midnight

sometimes you sit up late at night, with your sleeping mommy by your side, listening to beautiful music by gregory alan isakov, looking at beautiful images, and all is right with the world. because at the end of the day, and in the middle of the night, all i could ever wish for is here with me. and even if i’m missing people and there are things i want to accomplish and places i want to see and more more more, it is all here with me in my soul.

thoughts on: coffee

screen-shot-2015-11-06-at-11-23-53-am

what is it about coffee?  it is so much more than just a beverage.  for me, coffee evokes memories of my grandfather, who drank his coffee blacker than black and loved even the crappiest of cups.  it makes me think of my dad, who drinks coffee like it’s water.  it makes me think of cold mornings and warm mugs, snuggling with my mom and watching the today show.  it makes me think of dog walks and iced coffee runs in new york, of running to cvs for k cups in boston.

coffee makes me think of meeting new friends and catching up with old ones.  of frank sinatra and brazil.  kona coffee shops in hawaii.  starbucks cards that you can never seem to find.  making cappucinos for customers that just won’t leave you alone.  of 2.25 for hot and 3.50 for iced.  “two iced coffees!”

for me, a cup of coffee is like a cup of memories.  hot or cold, regular or decaf, hazelnut or french vanilla.  we are a culture of coffee drinkers.  no matter where you go, no matter the language, no matter the style, coffee in some form is on the menu.  we join each other over coffee and we move forward together, highly caffeinated and yet still exhausted.

my image, please credit if taking.

16 favorite feelings

IMG_3361inspired by claire marshall

  1. being surrounded by my family
  2. long drives with good (loud) music
  3. the minutes before falling asleep
  4. that can’t-put-this-book-down feeling
  5. knowing all the words to a song
  6. a beer + the beach + those people
  7. that kind of kiss that you never want to end
  8. holding hands (with anyone)
  9. early mornings with hot coffee + good blogs
  10. the sense of accomplishment after a good run or yoga session
  11. naked dance parties + empty houses
  12. the first cold day of the fall/winter
  13. laughing to tears
  14. leaving work after a long day
  15. jumping in the ocean
  16. being able to witness a beautiful sunset

+my image, please credit if taking

the self-imposed reading list

IMG_3353we should all be feminists, chimamanda ngozi adichie

the narrative of arthur gordon pym of nantucket, edgar allen poe

answered prayers, truman capote

fried green tomatoes at the whistle stop cafe, fannie flagg

my documents, alejandro zambra

to the lighthouse, virginia woolf

this must be the place, sean h doyle

jitterbug perfume, tom robbins

abram’s eyes, nathaniel philbrick

+my image, please credit if taking.

loving craving wishing waiting: august 10th

IMG_1597 IMG_3066loving: 

relaxed days off at the beach with close friends

waking up early for coffee before work

tanned hands (kind of) and a mix of big and dainty rings

cat stevens, gordon lightfoot, pure prairie league, and other folk singers

my new phone! finally upgraded from my very cracked, very slow, very broken iphone 5

rewatching the first and second seasons of the rachel zoe project

insanely gorgeous sunsets every night

craving:

fruit! it’s all i want to eat

long, salty swims

more piercings

wishing:

simultaneously for a longer summer and for fall clothes

for that perfect pair of booties (i recently ordered these – i hope they’re everything i think they’re going to be!)

for a sephora to pop into – i have a very long list of things i want to try

i was a mermaid

waiting:

honestly, i’m not really waiting for anything.  i’m very at peace with where i am right now, this very minute.  and that is a beautiful, very satisfying, very unusual (for me) feeling.

+my images, please credit if taking.